Phi-Fic Ch. 132 - The Colors of Expectation and Longing
Ch. 132 - The Colors of Expectation and Longing
Clatter.The can dropped inside the vending machine. Harutaki bent down, pushed open the plastic flap, and took out the 98-yen Gokuri peach soda.
“Feels a bit awkward if I’m the only one drinking while a girl just watches from the side.”
He handed the round, peach-pink can to Shirasagi Miyabi. After thanking him, she popped it open and took a sip right away.
“…Phew.”
“Drinking that much soda, I thought you’d let out a burp, Miyabi-senpai~”
Watching her exhale, he deliberately joked to lighten the mood.
“Now’s not the time for your pointless jokes, Hoshikawa.”
Miyabi shot him a displeased glance—
At least, that’s how she saw it herself. In reality, she knew very well that most people couldn’t tell whether her expression meant displeasure or happiness.
Still…
“…Mm.”
She forced down the cold fizz rising in her stomach, her shoulders trembling ever so slightly.
Good…
Just as she thought that—
A loud burp sounded beside her.
“Burp~”
“That’s the real satisfaction.”
Harutaki finished the last sip of the drink Minako had given him, crushed the can, and stuffed it into the side pocket of his JanSport backpack.
There were barely any trash bins along the way, and with garbage sorting rules, he’d have to take it home to throw away.
“When you drink cold soda in summer, if you don’t burp, how are you supposed to let the carbon dioxide carry out the heat in your body? Plus, burping after soda is an ancient tradition.”
“That’s not a tradition in this country.”
Miyabi shook her head helplessly, switching to small sips to avoid the embarrassment of burping.
After swallowing, she spoke as they walked.
“Besides, burping is very rude.”
“Does that mean your family is strict about manners, Miyabi-senpai?”
Harutaki suddenly jumped several layers deeper into the topic, revealing his true intention.
There hadn’t been any major events at school lately—just midterms and career guidance. So he figured the change in her must come from her family.
After all, this was one of the most common conflicts during adolescence—
The clash between youthful thinking and the more mature mindset of one’s parents.
“Any normal family teaches their children like that. For example, don’t eat while walking, don’t make noise while eating, and so on.”
“Wow… that sounds oddly nostalgic.”
At dusk, walking along a quiet path with sparrows and crows calling in the distance, Harutaki felt a faint sense of melancholy.
Miyabi seemed to misunderstand something and quickly apologized.
“I’m sorry, I…”
“Ah—maybe I didn’t express myself clearly…” Harutaki scratched his cheek with a wry smile. “…My parents are alive and well. Actually, thinking about it, they’re so carefree it’s almost too much—leaving four underage kids at home while they go overseas to enjoy life.”
Just a few days ago, his younger sister Ayaka had shown him photos on LINE—his parents happily sightseeing in Iceland.
“Even so…”
Miyabi paused, her tone softening.
“You must miss them, Hoshikawa-kun.”
Rather than missing them… it felt more like unease.
He wasn’t sure how to face them.
And what he missed wasn’t his parents now—but the past.
“…You can think of it that way.”
“You have quite unique parents. An ordinary family couldn’t raise someone as excellent as you.”
“Huh? Was that a compliment?”
“…You can think of it that way.”
She repeated his earlier words.
“Please don’t copy me like an elementary schooler.”
He couldn’t help but retort, then asked about her family.
“Then I guess an ordinary family couldn’t raise someone as amazing as you either, Miyabi-senpai?”
“….”
She stopped and looked at him coldly.
Even if subtle, he could clearly feel the exasperation.
“…Uh, coincidence?”
Wait—that was stepping right into his own trap.
“Haha…”
“You were trying to make me laugh.”
…He really wasn’t.
But—
Agree? That wasn’t true.
Deny? That would be tactless.
Silence it is.
A few minutes later, they arrived at the riverside cherry blossom path and sat in their usual spots.
“Sorry. I can’t laugh.”
“…You don’t need to apologize for that.”
“Hoshikawa… you don’t understand, do you?”
He followed her gaze to the clear stream flowing westward.
“I don’t have mind-reading powers like you.”
“See? You really don’t understand.”
Understand what?
“I was joking.”
With a tone as cold as winter wind.
“…Was that a cold joke?”
He couldn’t hold it in and laughed first—
Until her icy stare made him sit upright like a scolded child.
Silence settled between them.
The sound of the stream flowed like time itself, washing away his restlessness.
Maybe this was what daily life meant—
Looking forward every day to seeing her on the way home, chatting aimlessly, sharing his worries…
Even just sitting beside her, feeling the “cold air” she gave off, never felt like wasted time.
Like drinking water first thing in the morning—
She had become part of his routine.
His after-school life now had only two outcomes:
If she wasn’t there—another day spent missing her.
If she was—yes!
A silly, yet strangely cute kind of anticipation.
“Miyabi-senpai, I want a lap pillow.”
Same place, same request.
She sighed, then patted her lap.
“…Sigh.”
He leaned over and rested his head on her soft, firm thighs.
“You said you had something to tell me at the library. Can you say it now?”
“Don’t you think it’s stupid to involve yourself in something that has nothing to do with you?”
“Because you’re expecting me to.”
He felt her body tremble.
If she truly wanted to reject him… she would have cut ties long ago.
“And…”
He continued:
“As ridiculous as it sounds, I’m used to being expected of—and I’m sensitive to it.”
“You’re quite confident…”
She gently rubbed his head. Her hands were warm, unlike her cold tone.
“Did Asama-sensei tell you?”
“He only mentioned the rooftop.”
“…I see. Actually, he suggested I talk to you.”
What a hypocritical old man.
“So… is it about your future?”
“…Isn’t it funny?”
Her voice softened.
“The senpai who guides you… the one you admire… is actually lost about her own future. I can’t even make a decision. I don’t have the courage to take responsibility. Knowing that… can you still admire me like before?”
As if unlocking a box, everything she had hidden spilled out.
“It’s normal for teenagers to feel lost. If you think my admiration is that fragile, you’re mistaken.”
Even if his admiration was one-sided—
He never expected it to be returned.
Whether it was desire… or simply being drawn to her—
He still trusted his feelings.
Maybe it was just admiration for something beautiful.
“You say I don’t understand you—but do you understand the ‘senpai I admire’? No one is perfect. Don’t underestimate yourself.”
“….”
She stayed silent, then spoke softly.
“I want to express my emotions clearly. I want a job where I can communicate and convey feelings.”
“…That’s pretty vague.”
No wonder she was lost.
“What do your parents think?”
“My mother supports me, but… my father makes the decisions.”
No wonder she’s lost.
“He says someone who can’t even express emotions properly can’t do that kind of work.”
“I agree. He’s very insightful.”
Thump.
She hit his forehead.
“At least you can express anger.”
“…Dad says if I don’t even have a concrete plan, I should give up and follow his path.”
“You’ve got a good father.”
Thump.
“Whose side are you on?”
“Yours—of course.”
Though… her father wasn’t wrong.
“If you had a clear goal and plan, would it be fine?”
“If it were that simple… I wouldn’t be lost.”
“I can—”
Miyabi-senpai abruptly cut him off, stopping him before he could finish what he was about to say.
“What would that even change? Asama-sensei reminded me, and my father warned me too. Before making a decision, I have to be prepared to take responsibility for it.”
She paused, then looked at him.
“Hoshikawa-kun… if you’re the one helping me decide, can you bear that responsibility?”
“I—”
“Honestly, if all you want is to be with me, then none of this really matters. My father only wants me to follow the path he planned, not stay single forever. With how outstanding you are, I don’t think he’d refuse.”
The girl lightly pinched his cheek again and again, not using any strength, almost as if it were an unconscious gesture.
But to him, it felt like she was clearly saying she wasn’t happy.
“Miyabi-senpai… is that a confession?”
“You could say that. Compared to going on arranged dates with some so-called elite stranger in the future, Hoshikawa-kun is obviously the better choice.”
“I mean, being able to date a beautiful girl like Miyabi-senpai is exciting, but…”
Thinking back to what she had just said, he let out a small scoff.
“…I refuse. That sounded like you were treating me as a backup. I’m not accepting a confession like that.”
“And besides—”
As he spoke, Harutaki tried to sit up, wanting to sound more imposing.
Unfortunately, he had clearly forgotten his current position.
Puyon.
His head bumped into an incredibly soft cushion and bounced right back.
Smack.
This time, Miyabi-senpai somehow produced a paperback and slapped it straight onto his face.
“—And besides… the way you’re saying it, Miyabi-senpai, you’re just trying to avoid responsibility. You’re even pushing it onto me without realizing it, aren’t you?”
With the book covering his face, his voice came out slightly muffled.
“……”
Strike while the iron is hot. Seeing that Miyabi-senpai had fallen silent, he immediately pressed on.
“You still remember this line from Stoner, right?”
“Even if one cannot have a perfect life, at least one has pursued a complete self.”
“If you really live the kind of future you just described… then at that point, would Shirasagi Miyabi still be a complete Shirasagi Miyabi?”
He took a deep breath, then slowly let it out.
“…I do admire you. I like you, too. But the person I admire and like is the complete Miyabi-senpai—not a perfect Miyabi-senpai, and definitely not a broken one.”
“Ugh… what do you even mean by ‘complete Miyabi-senpai’…”
Under his relentless barrage, Miyabi seemed a little embarrassed, muttering under her breath.
“You say I don’t understand you, but I think you understand ‘Miyabi-senpai’ even less—”
Careful this time.
He deliberately avoided Mount Everest, then sat up straight and met her gaze with full force.
Looking into those lavender-like eyes, serene and elegant, he steadied himself before speaking again.
“—Miyabi-senpai is far more amazing than you think. If it’s a contest of listing your strengths, I wouldn’t lose.”
That was obviously a lie.
They had only known each other for a short time. He had only just begun to touch her inner world. There was no way he understood her better than she did herself.
But isn’t this exactly when you’re supposed to say pretty things?
“To me, Miyabi-senpai is like the bright moon high in the sky—cool and elegant, yet softly radiant, able to dispel the darkness for those lost in the night and light the way forward.”
“…I definitely can’t say something that embarrassing about myself. You win this one.”
Miyabi let out a self-deprecating sigh before continuing.
“…But maybe I seem amazing to you. In reality, though, aside from my looks and figure, I’m just an ordinary high school girl. I get lost, I get scared, I run away… and I might disappoint you.”
“The moon has its waxing and waning—even eclipses. I still stand by what I said.”
Harutaki thought to himself that arguing astronomy at a time like this would just ruin the mood.
And besides, that near-superpower-level “mind-reading” of hers… and she calls herself an ordinary high school girl?
That would make ordinary girls terrifying.
“…You’re just as stubborn as my father.”
“Yeah, yeah, toss the old stubborn man aside.”
He stood up and extended his right hand toward her.
“I won’t make the choice for you, Miyabi-senpai. But I can walk with you while you figure out where to go.”
“Hoshikawa-kun really does like playing the hero.”
Even as she said that, Miyabi-senpai took his hand. Along with the pressure of her grip came the smooth, delicate warmth of her skin.
Half a minute later—
“…Can you let go now?”
“I’d like to hold on a bit longer. That’s not too much to ask, right?”
Another half minute passed.
“Hoshikawa-kun?”
“For fairness, we can’t just reward my right hand. My left hand deserves equal treatment.”
Harutaki declared this with complete seriousness.
And so, the two of them stood by the stream, hand in hand, watching the rippling water shimmer in the fading light.
Even though it was nothing more than a small, insignificant creek, in that moment, it reflected a dazzling brilliance.
Warm, gentle, and bright.
Perhaps… this was the color of expectation and longing.
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